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Cliff throws itself into the sea in bid to keep sand local

Cliff throws itself into the sea in bid to keep sand local

In an unprecedented move last night , a Bournemouth cliff dramatically threw itself into the sea in a bid to save the resorts seven miles of golden sand from foreign grains. Sources close to the cliff said it has been complaining for some time, it reportedly said “You look out at the sand replenishment schemes […]

Brainless swarm in their thousands to Bournemouth Wheels festival

Brainless swarm in their thousands to Bournemouth Wheels festival

With the Bournemouth Wheels Festival just days away, boasting beach arena demonstrations from rally cars and fantastic military vehicles, as well as displays from the Army. Thousands of giant brainless ‘Barrel Jellyfish’ have been massing along the Dorset coast. It is not clear why the creatures, who are also spineless, would choose ‘the UK’s biggest wheels-themed family event with […]

Increasing numbers of hut settlers sighted at Mudeford

Increasing numbers of hut settlers sighted at Mudeford

The annual migration of hut settlers has started again this year as pairs of simple folk have been sighted hauling their few belongings to the popular Mudeford encampment. The settlers live in the most primitive conditions without basic sanitation, and with only rudimentary cooking facilities. They share a simple standpipe which provides cold running water and an austere brick […]

Fossils ready to leave Jurassic coast if off-shore windfarm goes ahead

Fossils ready to leave Jurassic coast if off-shore windfarm goes ahead

Fossils embedded in 95 miles of Jurassic Coast in England are likely to leave if a planned off-shore wind farm goes ahead it has emerged. The off-shore wind farm, due to be built 14.6 kilometres (or 9.1 miles) from Swanage, has angered the fossils who fear they may be able to see the wind turbines […]

Mixed reports on ‘being Marcus Edgar’

Mixed reports on ‘being Marcus Edgar’

The cosplay craze – ‘being Marcus Edgar’ swept through Bournemouth last night leaving participants with mixed opinions on what life as Marcus Edgar might be like. Itchy, hot and slightly hungry One bearded participant reported a distinct feeling of unease: “I feel Itchy, hot and slightly hungry “however I can empathise with him so much more now” […]

Hopkins to be silenced under new powers

Hopkins to be silenced under new powers

The home secretary today announced plans to silence Katy Hopkins in a bid to stop the spread of offensive and sanctimonious pontificating. Katy who has been criticising people since 2006 will be silenced under new ‘extreme Hopkins powers’  and the orders  will feature in the party’s 2015 election manifesto. Commentators initially thought Katie’s voice would be […]

Apple launches iphone11+

Apple launches iphone11+

Apple today launched it’s iphone11+, a new phone with a new twist – it is much harder to use, to the point it is designed only to be accessible to the most intelligent 10% of the population. The iPhone11+ will use some or all of the following components to test if the user has the […]

Tazerquest to offer all weather attraction

Tazerquest to offer all weather attraction

Fearless revellers will soon be able to try Bournemouth’s newest all weather attraction – ‘Tazerquest’ . The attraction, thought to be a first for the UK , provides fun for the whole family Whether 8 or 88 customers will love the adrenaline pumping exhilaration of stalking their opponents with the electroshock weapon sold by Taser International. […]

Council pledges to protect itself against cycling epidemic

Council pledges to protect itself against cycling epidemic

Is this true? Bosses at a local council have welcomed the prime ministers call to action on cycling today, pledging to take no action locally for as long as possible.   Places all over the UK such as the Yorkshire Dales aim to increase cycle commuting 6 fold by improving on and off road cycle […]

Tony Hadley was the best plane at Air Fest

Tony Hadley was the best plane at Air Fest

The best plane at the Bournemouth Air Festival was Tony Hadley say crowds who swarmed to Bournemouth beach for four days of plane themed entertainment. Air fanatics described the Hadly, who performed a 45 minute display, as ‘Gold’. The Hadley has been flying solo since 1992 after the rest of his display team broke away to […]

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