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Bournemouth to be twinned with Los Santos

Bournemouth to be twinned with Los Santos

It has been announced today that Bournemouth is to be twinned with Los Santos next year as town hall chiefs strive to be seen to be modern. The two cities have a lot in common including 7 miles of golden sands, and a land train, though is is not clear if Los Santos will proceed with […]

LED hell not limited to older people

With reference to the LED street lights article published earlier this day, can I point out that it is not just the elderly who are effected by this EU obsession with stopping us using ‘bendy’ sodium lights. I myself was sent into what can only be described as a trance by these lights whilst driving along […]

LED street lights causing chaos

LED street lights causing chaos

The rollout of LED streetlights across Bournemouth has left a trail of chaos this week as residents have told of unexpected side effects. Elderly people have complained that vibrations from the LED bulbs, which have replaced sodium bulbs in a bid to save cash for the town, can be heard as a bass sound by women […]

Middle classes to receive prepaid Waitrose cards

Middle classes to receive prepaid Waitrose cards

The government is to introduce pre-paid store cards to stop the middle classes cheating by spending their money in Aldi or Lidl. The cards could also be used for some items such as cook books and red wine in some stores, but would not be valid in Primark or Poundland. The scheme will be initially piloted on a voluntary basis […]

Hopkins to be silenced under new powers

Hopkins to be silenced under new powers

The home secretary today announced plans to silence Katy Hopkins in a bid to stop the spread of offensive and sanctimonious pontificating. Katy who has been criticising people since 2006 will be silenced under new ‘extreme Hopkins powers’  and the orders  will feature in the party’s 2015 election manifesto. Commentators initially thought Katie’s voice would be […]

Woman told by colleagues not to go on diet

Woman told by colleagues not to go on diet

A woman in an office today who told her colleagues she was going on a diet was told in no uncertain terms by her work mates that she should not. Despite putting on two stone since working with them eating never ending rounds of cakes and chocolates, they told her that she must be careful […]

The economy is high says Miliband

The economy is high says Miliband

The Labour leader, Ed Miliband has insisted the economy is “incredibly high, we were up all night and we still both felt a bit giggly” He was responding to criticism that he forgot the section of his conference speech about the budget deficit. Jealous wife Justine reacted as he moved in to give her a […]

Apple launches iphone11+

Apple launches iphone11+

Apple today launched it’s iphone11+, a new phone with a new twist – it is much harder to use, to the point it is designed only to be accessible to the most intelligent 10% of the population. The iPhone11+ will use some or all of the following components to test if the user has the […]

Tazerquest to offer all weather attraction

Tazerquest to offer all weather attraction

Fearless revellers will soon be able to try Bournemouth’s newest all weather attraction – ‘Tazerquest’ . The attraction, thought to be a first for the UK , provides fun for the whole family Whether 8 or 88 customers will love the adrenaline pumping exhilaration of stalking their opponents with the electroshock weapon sold by Taser International. […]

Council pledges to protect itself against cycling epidemic

Council pledges to protect itself against cycling epidemic

Is this true? Bosses at a local council have welcomed the prime ministers call to action on cycling today, pledging to take no action locally for as long as possible.   Places all over the UK such as the Yorkshire Dales aim to increase cycle commuting 6 fold by improving on and off road cycle […]

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